Life with Mom
I’ve been a nurse for over 30 years. I’ve worked with thousands of patients with dementia. But, let me tell ya, it’s a horse of a different color when it’s in your home! Please make sure to get your loved one seen by a doctor and medicated. It made all the difference with Mom. She went from being angry and hateful to being nice and sweet. We no longer have to chase her down the street or endure onslaughts of hateful screaming.
Mom and my sister
This is the last picture of my Mom and my sister. Debi is the oldest of us two. She recently passed away. Dementia sometimes doesn’t allow for what we feel is normal grieving. Mom knows Debi is gone, just like she knows her husband is gone, but she really can’t make the connection. She has forgotten almost completely about her 30 year marriage to my step father. When I told her about Debi, she held me, patted my back and told me how sorry she was for me. I needed the hug and the pats on the back but it left me wanting to console her but she didn’t need it.
Moms Birthday!
Mom’s birthday is March 31! She’ll be 80! When she was born it was during a time that most births were home births and families had many children. By the time my grandparents went to register her birth, they had four children to register. They couldn’t remember if Mom or her brother was born on April 1 (April Fools Day) so they gave that one to my uncle! lol!
Spring is coming!
Mom really isn’t much of an outdoor person, but she does love spring and she loves my husbands flowers. I try to get her outside even if just for a few minutes when the weather is nice. Vitamin D does a body and mind good. Sometimes it’s hard to get her to do anything, she resists. Which is common with dementia. Most of the time I get her to think it’s her idea and I’m just reminding her. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn’t. Choose your battles wisely!
Lessons I’ve learned
01
Don’t argue with them!
Don’t argue with them! Just go along with whatever it is. You cannot win an argument with a demented person. The only way is to try and get them to think it’s their idea. Arguing will only ignite their ire and make you and them miserable.
02
Food!
Thankfully Mom is a good eater. I make sure I fix small frequent meals for her. I also make sure I have snacks on hand that she can get herself if she wants to. My Mom is spoiled! We usually fix her plate, cut her food up (because she’s getting weaker d/t aging) and deliver it to her. Sometimes she likes to eat in her room and sometimes she eats with us. I make sure her water cup stays full and have Coke and/or sweet tea on hand. She loves Coke and Sweet tea.
03
Consistency!
One of the most important things people with dementia need is consistency! They need for their surroundings to remain familiar, for their things to be in the same place every single time. They need repetition. It will drive you crazy sometimes but if they don’t have consistency their mind unravels and they lose what memory they do have.
Videos
She’s always hungry!
The 36 Hour Day…. a good book Mom’s doctor recommended.
https://www.facebook.com/reel/2304777679697583
I worked ER for years and it was not uncommon for families to bring their loved one in. The patient may be a danger to themselves or others and waiting for a pcp appointment may not be realistic. I know it’s hard to admit you need help sometimes, trust me, I know.